What happens when you play a tournament at the donkey farm???

Hey all. This is a blog from a buddy/student of mine. His writing cracks me up so I thought I would post it so you could enjoy it.

Please let me know if you like it because if you do, I will ask him to write more blogs in the future.

Enjoy.

Ok so I went and played against a massive collection of people that stack their chips 10 high, use $25 chips to call $700 bets, and pick there cards up in front of their face to check them. Yes people not players, but I had dealt a home game for 14 hrs the previous night. Everyone played and I sat and dealt. I made a few bucks so I wanted to play a tourney and the Quantum Reload at the Bike was offering $5500 for a $40 buy in. So sue me.

I totally get that there isn’t anyone entered that can come close to the skills I possess in my pinkie. None of them can flop quads and get two people to shove it all in drawing to runner runner perfect cards. They can’t. Even the dealers don’t know what to do when i have KK and fire 3 barrels the last being an all in on a 10 high board against a lovely lady who i know has a smaller pocket pair than me while i have her 50bb stack covered. The dealer cant riffle for a few hands after seeing something like that. None of these guys can be in the bb and after watching 2 guys shove all in look down at KK and flop a king. These people don’t have the mental capacity for it. Not even the chicks can call an all in with 66 against a villains red AK. Flop 3 spades. Hit the case 6 of spades on the turn and avoid the 5th spade on the river for a chop. They just don’t have the time to learn shit like that. But losing to someone that can’t even spell poker yeah that’s gonna chap my ass.

22 players left blinds 4000-8000/1000 and I have 40bbs. I see KQ in the cutoff so I value it at roughly 20k and stick in a raise. The sb hims and haws and since he has been playing pretty snug the whole time I have been at this table with him decides his best option is to play this hand oop against me and smooth calls. Bb knows better and folds. Flop comes 10 8 4 rainbow and donkalufugus decides its best to let me decide if I would like a free card or not. I take him up on his offer. Check check. Turn K. Ok to fast forward a little, I hit a 3 outer. Who fucking cares. Big deal it happens. Score one for the good guys for once. Geez. Again he checks and I decide he should give me 35k so I push 7 blue 5k chips out. He grabs his chips and stacks em and counts em and unstacks em and counts em and plays with em and checks em and then shoves all in.

Instantly I pick up my cards so that he can see the king, and as he is exhaling all the air in his body, before I can even say call he goes “I guess I need and ace”. He tables AQ. This guy is so stupid that I have to inform him that as I’m watching the dealer peel the J off on the river that I lost the hand. Then I get to experience the words “I ONLY SHOVED TO GET YOU TO FOLD” tickling my eardrums. Wow. Did u just say that to me? When did I ever put chips into a pot without having something in front of u? Please explain that to me.

I know I know I played the tourney I put myself into that situation. I got what I deserved. So instead of 450k rolling up fools wit 21 left I nursed my 101k to a 7th place finish. Y does it go wrong when I play it right?

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